Job Week

It's been a hard week. Arguably, the hardest week of my life. After being a stay-at-home mom for the last year, I started a new job this week. Leaving my baby girl with even the best caretakers I could ask for has been the hardest thing I've ever done.

There have been a lot of tears. I started crying when I said goodbye to her on Monday morning. On Monday evening when I had to put her to bed an hour after I got home I locked myself in the bedroom and sobbed. Tuesday morning I cried. Wednesday morning I cried. Wednesday afternoon I cried because I could tell that she had grown while I was gone and because she is so beautiful.

And the job is going to be tough. The pace is fast and we don't get many breaks. Today we didn't get a chance to eat lunch until 2. I thought I was going to pass out from the hunger. But I'm grateful for it. When I'm not furiously working, I miss my baby girl so much I can hardly stand it.

I know that Tom is having a hard time understanding why this is so hard for me. He's always been away from her during the day. But for me, she has been my 24-7 job for the past 13 months. My law school friends have been asking me when I was going to get a job since she was three months old. For them, 13 months at home must seem ridiculous. But for me, even that doesn't seem like enough. She is still growing so fast and learning new things every minute. Every day she changes. Even I could not have predicted how difficult this would be for me.